It’s over
Yep, I spent all day in bed feeling sorry for myself. I cried less this year, but I think it’s because my mom made me get out of bed to go shopping, which is now confirmed to be the only activity that can put a smile on my face.
Actually, that’s not true. When I went to the Marc by MJ store, I didn’t want to buy anything. Too depressed.
Anyway, I am watching Underclassman and it’s horrible. It makes me want to barf. Seeing Cheech Marin not being Cheech Marin makes me nervous. I am literally at the edge of my seat throughout this Nick Cannon endeavor. And Shawn Ashmore is evil in this! My heart is a-racing!!!
Friends, consider yourself POSTED.
UPDATE: WAIT, so Shawn Ashmore isn’t evil. Nick Cannon is going to prove it!
I tried looking it up on Wikipedia, but it doesn’t say how, so I must stay up another 30 minutes to catch the exciting conclusion of Underclassman.
Also, I have an early appointment at a salon tomorrow morning. I’m going to get a hair cut. And no, I’m not breaking any pacts—I’m deciding between fixing it up so that it looks normal while it grows out or getting a weave/extensions. Yep, I am that desperate. Friends say I need to sleep more because I am making rash decisions here.
UPDATE #2: I feel like this warrants a new entry because what I am about to reveal to you may blow your mind.
So it turns out that Shawn Ashmore is NOT evil, just stupid. Nick Cannon saves the day, blah blah blah.
As I was watching Cheech Marin get into his teal hydraulic-enhanced Corvette with a look of discomfort and awkwardness, I had this odd case of deja vu.
I have seen this movie before, I thought to myself.
No, you couldn’t have!, I said.
But why does this movie seem so familiar?!!!!, I replied in exasperation.
Then the answer came to me so clearly: Drumline.
It’s the same fucking movie!
Nick Cannon is a fucking douchebag at the beginning of both movies. In Drumline he is a cocky rookie drummer. Nick Cannon in Underclassman is a cocky rookie cop.
“Comedians” take on “serious” roles to play his mentor. Orlando Jones was director of the marching band and took band very seriously that it made me feel uncomfortable. Cheech Marin is the captain of Nick Cannon’s squad of the LAPD, and made me feel uneasy.
His love interests are older women. In Drumline it was an upperclasslady. In Upperclassman it was his Spanish teacher.
He mentors dorky white friends. In Upperclassman there is that really overbearing white kid that likes to pretend he is black. And in Drumline there is that really whacked out white kid who thinks he is awesome at playing that giant drum.
Then there are his experienced peers that he totally disrespects in the beginning that he ends up cooperating with at the end. Fat cop in Upperclassman, drum section leader in Drumline.
At the end of both movies, he learns his god damn lesson: TEAM WORK IS IMPORTANT and WORK HARD.
Even the antagonists are similar: leaders of some form of an educational institution.
He also has the same wardrobe in both.
It’s like they didn’t even try!
But you know what? I watched every single minute of both and I was entertained. They should make more Nick Cannon movies like this. They don’t even need to spend too much money on making the whole film over again. Just grab parts from both films that could fit into a third. Like maybe scenes when he is on the phone, all they have to do is dub over it? Or scenes where he’s just walking in his thug clothes—maybe replace the background with whatever applies to the latest film.
A-mazing.
