The Perfect Man
OH GOD.
I don’t even know where to begin.
I think the main problem with this movie is that it tries too hard to be relevant that it dates itself. The instant messaging program they were using made me want to barf. And who the hell says everything they’re about to type? I was cracking up watching Ben Feldman and Heather Locklear IM each other. It was so ridiculously awkward, yet hilarious.
Another thing that really tickled me was seeing people forgive each other so easily. Hilary Duff pretty much scars Heather Locklear for life (and possibly destroy her faith in mankind forever), but Heather just drops the issue like it never happened. People are disowned this way in the real world! And Chris Noth pretty much forgives Hilary Duff for ruining/crashing his BFF’s wedding and all she had to do was give him a lousy and vague explanation. I want to live in this world.
This is another vehicle for Chris Noth to pretend he is the next George Clooney. I’m sure he’s a great person, but I feel like all of these movies exaggerate his awesomeness. There aren’t enough movies (or television shows) that give you reason to hate him. He’s just way too charming in nearly everything: Sex and the City, Law and Order CI (I cross my fingers that it’s a Vincent D’Onofrio episode every time it comes on, although I do like the ones with Noth in them), The Perfect Man, Cast Away, and I can’t think of anything else, but I’m pretty sure he’s never been truly vilified. It’s not in his bone structure.
Anyway, you just end up hating everyone at the end because it’s just TOO damn perfect. All of the loose ends suddenly come together. Little sister wins the spelling bee, mom hooks up with perfect man, and the girl finds her soulmate. And everyone loves everyone else, even though the girl fucking ruined EVERYTHING ten minutes earlier.
There’s this one part that would’ve made the movie 10x better if only it had happened the way I wanted. It was the moment when Heather Locklear finds out Hilary Duff is such a whore. Right before she walks away from her, she should’ve just slapped her. It would’ve been SO GOOD. Hey, maybe even, dare I say…perfect?
And this is why I need to stay away from TBS. It’s EVIL.
