kuma
so kuma died sometime on thursday.
i mean, we expected it, but not for him to go like that. he was about 14.5 years young and people tell me that’s a long time for a big guy like him.
my family broke the bad news to me in the most horrible way possible.
i had already been home from my first day of work for a while and i was hanging out for a good 20 minutes before my mom remembered she had something to tell me. i even had time to complain about how lame i thought my job was and how much i hated the commute. then they made me “guess” what they wanted to say.
i cried myself to sleep out of guilt, more than sadness. first of all, i don’t even have any pictures of him readily available. i can’t even reminisce because i’m such a fucking awful person. for the past year or so, i haven’t really paid much attention to him either. my excuse is that i’ve been busy with work, but that’s bullshit. there’s no way to turn back time to repair the past, and there’s nothing i can do to make it up to him now either.
there’s nothing to do but to feel sad. i’m still in shock, knowing that he’s not there anymore. there are moments that i find myself just sitting there, and i feel like crying all over again.
but i can’t make this about me, so i am going to just stop here with my excuses, my bs.
he wasn’t the best dog, but he was our family’s dog. i remember all of the times he ran away, which always made me cry. i remember when he ripped the last 30 pages of a book i had to read for school from my hands because he was that kind of dog. i remember how he was the most finicky eater and i once stood out in the rain and the darkness for hours waiting for him to even eat one bite of kibble. i remember the time we taught him to sit…when he was 3 years old. i remember being scared for our lives once when we went hiking and a huge dog bit his face; he wouldn’t stop bleeding for what seemed like an eternity. i remember all of those times i fell doing stupid kid shit and he would come over to keep me company until i was able to stand up again. i remember how amusing it was whenever he would raise his paw in protest. i remember how it took 3 people to give him a bath. i remember how i promised my parents i would always take care of him and get good grades in school if we could keep him. i remember seeing him for the first time with his other puppy siblings and knowing he was the one.
rip, kuma. i love you.
