OHMYJEEZ.: Archive

Dec 18th

1 note

Watch

i seriously can’t stop watching this. i’m not even that big a fan of family guy.

Nov 24th

stall etiquette

i’ve been using the restroom a lot at work. seriously, i will go around 5 times a day, maybe more depending on how much snapple and warm water i’ve consumed. it’s not like it’s an awesome restroom or anything, but it’s got everything you would need. tampons, pads, cotton balls, disposable emery boards, mouthwash, q-tips, etc. i could go on and on about all of the...

Nov 10th

Oct 2nd

 (Eileen and I are sharing a bed at a hotel with NO a/c)
Me: It's so hot in here! I can't sleep. I feel like taking off my pants. 
Eileen: Then do it. 
Me: (taking off my pants) Hmm, on second thought, you might rape me. (I pull up my pants again)

Sep 6th

Aug 26th

stinky, but mine

man, i miss my cats.

Aug 16th

Aug 9th

the hunt continues

a couple of weeks ago, i scored an interview with a pretty interesting company. i went and met 5 different people. as i was leaving, the dude tells me that they’re considering me for other positions as well, and that he’ll call me in a couple of days. so after a week and a half, i gave up and moved on. i felt really good about the interviews and was kind of depressed that i...

Aug 4th

Emails from an Asshole →

full of LOLs

Jul 23rd

my timing is OFF

if i didn’t confess until 5 days from now, THEY WOULDN’T BE ABLE TO TAKE THE MONEY FROM ME! apparently ADP would’ve credited their account, and i could keep the money. oh well! this is what i get for being totally honest. i should’ve done some research first. okay, NEXT TIME. i can’t get enough of this one matt and kim song: lessons learned. i am in that mood right...

Jun 19th

PAID

apparently, i’m still on AA’s payroll. i confessed and now awaiting for what to do with the money. i should’ve kept quiet until they figured it out…

Jun 19th

creeped out

it creeps me out when people over the hill don’t dress their age. i am not sure what this woman’s exact role in the company is, but i will call her the COO for now. anyway, she is wearing a printed knit tunic, boyfriend shorts, and grey chucks. do not like.

Jun 9th

paycheck

i already detest this job. multiple reasons: 1) i have to drive more than 1 hour to get here. 2) i have to work for another crazy jew, but this one is super passive aggressive. 3) they use LOTUS—not excel. wtf?!!!! 4) i have to drive more than 1 hour to get home. 5) my immediate supervisor is a nice person, but i can tell she would throw me under the bus in a minute if she had to. 6) my...

Jun 8th

kuma

so kuma died sometime on thursday. i mean, we expected it, but not for him to go like that. he was about 14.5 years young and people tell me that’s a long time for a big guy like him. my family broke the bad news to me in the most horrible way possible. i had already been home from my first day of work for a while and i was hanging out for a good 20 minutes before my mom remembered she...

Jun 6th

Jun 1st

sad

I’m awake at 2am, and I randomly channel-surfed onto E! There’s a show called “Fake or Real,” where 3 contestants have to convince 3 “celebrity” judges that they’ve had work done. If they manage to pull it off, they get $1000. And the show is hosted by Brian McFadden. I love television, but this just depresses me. Seriously someone put up the money to...

May 16th

Watch

A kid in Florida sent this to me and it totally made my day.

May 1st

an open letter to UPS

FUCK YOU.

Apr 30th

Rowbike →

OH MY JEEZ.

Apr 27th

gaaaah

ZAC EFRON. Me gusta. Mucho. Before my mom left the room she says to me, “You’ll never marry.” PS: I’m obviously on my period right now.

Apr 26th

i did it

I finally quit my job today. Literally moments after I did it, Dov called a meeting in his office with the merchandisers, and tried to fire me for the umpteenth time. He didn’t and probably still doesn’t know I quit. And it isn’t like I am quite moving onto bigger and better things either. I will be unemployed in 2 weeks depending on the gods at Netflix. In the true spirit of...

Apr 25th

FRIDAY

I am about to do something amazing on Friday.

Apr 24th

Apr 21st

“Look! They bald-headed that woman!”

– Sandy while watching a very sexy episode of House

Apr 19th

LOLz

Jack Bauer is in heat. It’s SUPER hilarious. I’ve never had a female pet before, aside from Abby and Mofo, but those bitches were rodents and they didn’t act up when they were horny. She’s been rolling around on the floor and meowing and making ALL of us uncomfortable. Gob keeps giving me looks, like, “WTF IS HAPPENING?!” WHEN CAN I SPAY HER WITHOUT IT...

Apr 6th

Apr 3rd

crackberry

As I was rushing home from work around 9pm, I realized that I had left my Blackberry behind and had this crazy panic attack in the car. I kept wondering if I should make a u-turn the entire way back, even up to the point when I pulled into the driveway. But I never did. And right now, I’m totally fine with that. I don’t need it. :D YAAAY, baby steps!

Mar 26th

must love dogs

Glenn Howerton was in Must Love Dogs? No fucking way! Does Diane Lane have chemistry with any one?! Seriously, it’s so weird watching her flirting with John Cusack. And that guy who was Debra Messing’s male escort in that movie she was in. Just awkward.

Mar 23rd

Mar 9th

Picture is Unrelated →

A few of these made me chuckle.

Mar 9th

Feb 26th

Feb 24th

When Jay-Z says, “Can’t wear skinny...

Feb 24th

Mystic Pizza

It’s not a romantic comedy. I thought comedy implies something amusing. I was not amused.

Feb 22nd

LAME

I hate Julia Roberts. I really do.

Feb 22nd

WHOA

I just had the worst coughing fit. I ALMOST BLACKED OUT. And, HAHAHA, the last thing that was on my mind was “I CANNOT BELIEVE THE LAST THING I SAW WAS A VIDEO OF TYLER HILTON COVERING KOL’S ‘USE SOMEBODY.’ QUICK, SWITCH THE YOUTUBE PAGE TO SOMETHING ELSE. SPAGHETTI CAT!” My heart is still racing. I HATE MY LIFE.

Feb 12th

“Hey, hey, hey. Can we cool it with the bitches?”

– Keanu Reeves in Hardball

Feb 7th

Jan 30th

“That was so terrible, it gave me cancer!”

– Calculon

Jan 29th

Jan 28th

Our last convo

 On the phone...I'm at work
Sandy: Hey, I need to talk to you. It's very important!!!
Me: What? What happened?
Sandy: Where are my pants?!

Jan 20th

Depressed

My Outlook is fucked up and it seems like the incident is isolated. Is it bad that I’m totally losing my shit over this? I’ve been rocking back and forth—no fucking joke. I want to barf my face off.

Jan 17th

Jan 7th

US Marshalls

I hate this movie. Why? Because RDJ dies at the end—because he was a traitorous asshole! That just makes no sense at all. RDJ? A bad guy? Not in this lifetime.

Jan 4th

Jan 1st