OHMYJEEZ.

musings of a weepy ho.
additional consumption-related musings can be found here
Dec 18
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not my dog, but still super cute.

not my dog, but still super cute.

Nov 24
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i seriously can’t stop watching this. i’m not even that big a fan of family guy.

Nov 09
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stall etiquette

i’ve been using the restroom a lot at work. seriously, i will go around 5 times a day, maybe more depending on how much snapple and warm water i’ve consumed.

it’s not like it’s an awesome restroom or anything, but it’s got everything you would need. tampons, pads, cotton balls, disposable emery boards, mouthwash, q-tips, etc. i could go on and on about all of the little hygiene products they have available, BUT those things don’t really cut it for me. no, in fact, i think the reason why i am so comfortable using the restroom multiple times a day is because it is REALLY clean 95% of the time. the ladies at work do not fuck it up. also, it is almost always empty.

at my last place of employment, the closest restroom near my office had crazy amounts of traffic and maybe 95% of the women did not believe in flushing the toilet paper. it always smelled like shit and there was never any tp or seat covers available, and there was a fucking line…ALWAYS. unless i was on my period, i NEVER used the restroom at american apparel. SERIOUS. even the ones closer to dov’s office were fucking gross.

so now that i can comfortably use the restroom at my new job, i’ve also chosen a particular stall to do my business. there are 3 regular stalls and 1 handicap one, and together they form an L-shape. my favorite stall is the stall that sits in the middle. i am so disappointed when i see that someone has defiled my stall and i am forced to use the one to the left.

then there is the special occasion when someone is in the restroom before me AND when they’re using a stall right next to MY fucking stall. i cannot pee next to someone unless i absolutely have to, and I HATE talking to people when i pee. when my damn pants are down, i reserve the right to put up a giant bubble until i am done with my business and the toilet is flushed. some people just cannot respect that policy and they need to fucking stop.

this happened to me today, and i hesitated for a moment, wondering if i should come back later, wait until they’re done, suck it up and use my stall, or use another one.

the problem with coming back later is that although the office isn’t the size of a football stadium, my desk is quite the distance. the trek to the restroom requires me to greet all kinds of people along my way. it’s just something that i can live without indefinitely.

waiting until they’re done is also tricky. i mean, yes, i could just make my move to my stall right as they open the door, but it’s hard to get the timing just right. you also need to have the right expression of nonchalance on your face, like “oh, you just finished? well, i just came in!” this is way more trouble than coming back later.

i’ve come a long way since the concussion, but it has to be a fucking EXTREME emergency before i choose to sit in a stall adjacent to an occupied one. i am fine with someone choosing the stall next to mine so long as i was there first. that just means i have no control over other people’s actions and i am at peace with that. however, making that decision for myself will never happen unless i have explosive diarrhea or some other ailment of that intensity.

using another stall is probably the most acceptable solution should the favorite stall not be available. yet when i am forced to do so, i feel so defeated and going pee is just not as satisfying anymore.

it’s a lose-lose when i don’t get to use my stall, friends.

so today, i had to use another stall and when i finally sat down to do my business, someone entered the stall to my right. yes, friends, my favorite one. AND for some reason they knew i was in the stall next door and proceeded to talk to me…about work.

it was HORRIBLE.

i think i need to start developing an affinity for the handicap stall. it’s actually a prime piece of restroom real estate as it is situated in a corner on its own and there is more square footage. it sounds appealing, but i bet people use that one to poop. i don’t know if that is true (i really fabricated that assumption), but my gut tells me it’s been raped by poop several times.

i’ll find out tomorrow.

it’s 930 pm, i’ve been on the verge of falling sleep since 8pm, and all i can think about is claiming the handicap toilet. WHAT THE FUCK!

Oct 01
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why am i so short?
i’ve been making great progress in terms of height. i’ve grown an inch since last year, which is really surprising because i figured i had stopped growing by now…you know, with menopause arriving early and all that jazz.
ok, i’m JOKING about the menopause, but not joking about getting taller. that shit is ridiculous.
also, this picture is a screenshot taken from our quarterly company newsletter. SO CHEESY. they gave us a shitload of company shirts. right now i’m wearing an american apparel long sleeve knit shirt, style# 2007. yep, once you remember these things, you never forget. they took the picture twice because the photographer said i wasn’t smiling. SORRY I’M NOT SMILING, I AM JADED BY HOW SHORT I AM. JADED WITH MYSELF. SORRY.

why am i so short?

i’ve been making great progress in terms of height. i’ve grown an inch since last year, which is really surprising because i figured i had stopped growing by now…you know, with menopause arriving early and all that jazz.

ok, i’m JOKING about the menopause, but not joking about getting taller. that shit is ridiculous.

also, this picture is a screenshot taken from our quarterly company newsletter. SO CHEESY. they gave us a shitload of company shirts. right now i’m wearing an american apparel long sleeve knit shirt, style# 2007. yep, once you remember these things, you never forget. they took the picture twice because the photographer said i wasn’t smiling. SORRY I’M NOT SMILING, I AM JADED BY HOW SHORT I AM. JADED WITH MYSELF. SORRY.

Sep 06
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  • (Eileen and I are sharing a bed at a hotel with NO a/c)
  • Me: It's so hot in here! I can't sleep. I feel like taking off my pants.
  • Eileen: Then do it.
  • Me: (taking off my pants) Hmm, on second thought, you might rape me. (I pull up my pants again)